What Are We Doing?

My day began with a client saying, "I wish I had it all together like you." By 2:30 I was crying in a booth at a local diner. Jokes on them, huh?

This was the first day since the pandemic began that it all came to a head and punched me in the gut. It hit me hard. There is a local diner that I started to go to when I began working on opening my practice. The first day I was there an older man with a heavy, but beautiful accent said, "We are happy you are here. You eat here, so you are family now." That is all it took for me to revisit that diner multiple times over the last six weeks. I came to find out later that he was the owner and I listened to multiple employees sing his praises. Many times I had a server say to me, "This is my favorite job ever," or, "This is the best job I've ever had." I didn't realize how isolated I had become until I started to visit this diner. I felt overwhelmed and excited to spend time with people. Friendly, good, hard-working people. There was a feeling that I really was family. I would come in stressed out, tired, and hungry and they would lead me to a table and not say, "What do you want to drink?," but, "Are you doing okay? You look tired." Just having someone ask how I was and take time to recognize that what I was doing was hard, meant the world to me. 

Today, I decided I needed a break from telehealth and went to the diner. The owner came to my table and we chatted and exchanged things that had happened to us during the week. Towards the middle of my meal he walked over and said, "The governor is going to shut us down Tuesday. I don't know what I will do. How will I tell these people? I followed all of the rules." It was then that I saw him begin to cry and it was then that the totality of the global pandemic drew back and punched me right in the face. I felt every single one of my client's pain of isolation, job loss, fear, and even death. I felt this man's pain right in front of me. I felt my own pain, frustration, and fear rise up. It was almost too much and I then, started to cry with him. 

Then I felt the anger. Pure, honest anger. I know this man did everything right. I saw it. I saw every employee in a mask, wiping down doors, tables, using hand sanitizer, and taking money from behind a plexiglass shield. He said, "It's the people who don't do this who are killing small business." He's right. How selfish are we as a society? On the way home I passed a bar with large groups of people on the patio, not social distancing and not wearing masks. It took everything I had not to get out and scream at them. Why it even has to be discussed is beyond me. To me it is simple. Here are some regulations that will keep others safe and decrease our positivity rate. As long as we follow them we can remain open. Instead, it's turned into a bunch of adults behaving as children who have never heard the word 'no.' 

I am not sure I will ever lose the picture in my mind of that man crying. Part of me wants to keep it as a reminder as to why I choose to follow the rules. The other part of me finds it so incredibly sad, that I am not sure I can hang onto it. 

I don't know what the answer is to unite us. The division in our country over things such as this has really made me wonder if what it means to be an American was all a joke. I don't feel proud right now. I am embarrassed for us. Our streets look like tattered war zones. People are cruel to their neighbors. We are in a period of slamming the door in each other's faces when we should be offering up what we have to offer. Whether that be love, or a simple hello to someone who doesn't look like us. 

I am guilty of challenging others. I challenge others not because we don't share an opinion, but because they refuse to put themselves in the shoes of others. I mean, really do it. I don't mean Google what it means to be Black in America. Get out there. Walk the walk. See it with your eyes. Live it for more than a few small moments. I challenge others who justify murder and then find an excuse for the justification. I challenge people who do not realize that being white and poor has nothing to do with White Privilege. I challenge things that make up humanity. I live and practice from the theoretical perspective that all humans have inside of them what it takes to be great. I believe that. That includes people I do not politically and socially align with. However, for each one of us to achieve self-actualization we cannot live in a body that justifies the mistreatment of others. 

I don't know what is going to happen to my friend at the diner. I can only hope that I have helped him by offering him what I have to offer; support, love, and simple validation. I can and will do it more.  

We can all do more. 

Stay safe, stay healthy, and love others.